by Vanity Kills

Ditch the arctic freeze for a tasty slice of your own private tropical paradise.  No passport necessary.

Living Room Luau

Winter!  If you live in the north eastern US like myself, it’s a dreaded time chock full of monstrous heating bills, frostbite, and crappy driving conditions that would make anyone long for a tropical retreat somewhere completely devoid of freezing precipitation.  Moreover, this is the season of shortest days and lowest temperatures which cause many to experience seasonal depression.  It’s quite tempting to cash in all of your holiday time immediately, ditching this frozen hell hole, and boarding the next plane to Bora Bora.  Thanks to the tanking US economy, paying for a vacation nowadays is comparable in cost to an organ transplant.  If you can’t go to the Garden of Eden, bring the Garden of Eden to you!  Fortunately, you don’t need the vast fortunes of an oil Sheik to do so.

Allow yourself to get swept away by the winds of island madness and surrender to the deliciously kitschy world of Tiki.

Despite it’s roots in Polynesian and Hawaiian mythology, Tiki came to signify all manner of miscellaneous paraphernalia of the Pacific islands.  The most iconic of which are the carved representations of Pacific island gods.  Depending on the carved Tiki in question, the authenticity might vary.  Some are depictions of actual deities while some are created solely for the purpose of being sold to tourists as souvenirs.  All of these carvings are prized and highly sought after by collectors of “Polynesian pop”.

Tiki first cast its infectious south seas spell in the 1930s when Donn Beach opened “Don the Beachcomber” and Victor Bergeron opened “Trader Vic’s” on the California coast.  Copycat establishments soon followed and by the 1950s, mainstream America officially adopted the Tiki bar as a means to escape from life’s everyday headaches.  Envision a dark windowless room (the outside world spoils the fantasy of an island getaway) lit by puffer fish lamps hung in excess over the bar and placed above each booth.  Looking around you will see exotic foliage, fishing nets, black velvet paintings of nude oceanic lovelies seducing you from the walls, while Les Baxter’s “Ports of Pleasure” plays unobtrusively in the background.  Gorgeous women wearing next to nothing serve you tasty rum and fruit juice infused concoctions with campy names like “Mai Tai”, “Singapore Sling”, and “Suffering Bastard” garnished generously with fresh fruit, tropical flowers, and colorful paper umbrellas.  Sometimes one would get “lei’ed” with a flower garland upon being seated at their table.  In the higher end establishments, it was not uncommon to be treated to a full blown Polynesian floor show which included live music and the traditional dances of Tahiti, Samoa, Hawaii, and New Zealand.  A performance of the fireknife dance was always a crowd favorite!  Nobody cared about a late car insurance payment or an unfaithful spouse (if only for a moment) when watching the enchanting hips of a wahine rhythmically swaying as she danced the hula just a few feet away.

By the mid 1970s the Tiki phenomenon became yet another passé trend and many of the legendary bars, nightclubs, and restaurants went the way of the dinosaur, falling victim to the wrecking ball.

Fortunately a Tiki Renaissance bloomed in the mid 1990s and a fresh crop of Tiki bars have been steadily popping up in the last 10-15 years.  Some became successful, others flopped, while several never closed to begin with.  There’s no telling if one will open up in your area in the near future so beat luck to the punch, tell winter to suck it, and host a fabulous Tiki soirée in your very own living room.

Living Room Luau

Vibe
Turn off those harsh overhead lights.  Invest in a few strands of Tiki-themed party lights and string them up in strategic locations around doorways, on the windows, and over the refreshment table.  Purchase several coconut and pineapple shaped ceramic cups, light small votive candles and place them inside.  Make sure you don’t leave them in areas where they’ll be left unattended for long periods of time.  If you can score actual pufferfish lamps, by all means use them though they are a bit hard to find.  Unless you only plan on showing Elvis Presley’s Blue Hawaii (on mute) all night long, don’t dare turn that TV on!  For an authentic flair, delight your guests with the likes of Les Baxter, Martin Denny, and Arthur Lyman.

Decorations
When it comes to Tiki, there’s no such thing as too cluttered.  Stick carved wood Tikis in any place you can fit them.  Whether they’re on the table, the shelves, or guarding the entrance to the bathroom they’re only bound by one rule: the more, the merrier!  Spruce up your walls with tribal war clubs, masks, fishing nets, framed postcards from Hawaii, ceremonial paddles, and velvet paintings.  Wooden signs with words like “Aloha” and “Tiki Bar” etched into them are also appropriate.

Food
A pu-pu platter stacked high with spring rolls, barbecued spare ribs, crab rangoons, and chicken satay is sure to be a palette pleaser.  Serving elaborate examples of Pacific Rim cuisine is more appropriate for smaller, intimate dinner parties while large groups of hungry drunks are more likely to appreciate the easily accessible finger foods.

Booze
The core components of most Tiki drinks are rum and fresh fruit juice.  Good rum can cost you a pretty penny, so I suggest that you plan a projected drink menu ahead of time.  Google up the ingredients in some classic Tiki bar favorites (listing them all here would take up all the pages of Auxiliary Magazine) such as “Navy Grog”, “Singapore Sling”, “Zombie”,  “Mai Tai”, and “Planter’s Punch”.  Compile the list of necessary alcohols and e-mail it to all the party attendees.  It can function as a “liquor registry”.  A boozy potluck is a fun way to have a diverse drink tasting menu at a fraction of the price.  Serving your libations in Tiki mugs is a must!  Popular Tiki mug themes include but are not limited to: skull, pirate, hula girl, Easter Island head, Fu Manchu, coconut, volcano bowls, and Tiki (duhhh!).  Fruit, flower, and mini paper umbrella garnishes are mandatory!

Now get out there and raise some hula hell!

from the February Issue of Auxiliary Magazine

by Vanity Kills

Date: December 1st, 2008
Entry: the “Black Lipstick Wearing Hippie” myth

Dear Diary,
Allow me to tell you a little story…

The tale begins thousands of years ago, when dinosaurs ruled the mighty Earth and I was 18. Yours truly was gracing my local Goth dive with my usual sweet and charming presence.  A strange girl sashayed past me rockin’ something that screamed “Walmart discount lingerie rack”.  An ensemble surely worthy of a day shift stripper for a low low price of $6.99.  It is my duty as a catty Goth girl to be the judge, jury, and executioner of any fashion travesty of this magnitude.  After all, what just had appeared in front of my eyes wasn’t exactly an outfit, more like a head on multi train collision.  As soon as the phrase “What the hell is that?” (Okay, I’m sure I used much harsher language) left my mouth, an ugly troll like creature appeared by side out of nowhere ready to defend the honor of this anonymous yet poorly dressed maiden.  Think of a short, fat, and over 40 love child of Captain Crunch and Gimli the dwarf from Lord of the Rings.  And don’t forget the ever glamorous skullet.  He attacked me for being “so judgmental” and informed me that people embrace the Goth scene to “get away from people like me”.

I guess dressing in black, having big shoes, and bigger hair automatically gives us the innate ability to be ever so tolerant and accepting of everyone around us.

Okay got it. Oh and in case you didn’t know mermaids, unicorns, and leprechauns are fully integrated into modern society too.  By the way, I’ve got a bridge to sell you at an attractive price, interested by any chance?

I don’t know if the fugly man gnome and I are part of the same Goth scene, but in the Goth scene I’m a part of, going out dressed to the nines and knowing that you and your friends will be the best outfitted girls at the bar is half the fun. The other half is laughing at the girls with neon green loose kanakelon falls mounted to mousy brown hair.

Fact: If you express yourself by basing your makeup on WWF wrestlers, I have the right to laugh at you.

Imagine how boring a night would be if you couldn’t elbow your friends and giggle in agreement everytime some hot mess that obviously didn’t look in the mirror prior to leaving their house walked by.  Political correctness is a necessary evil in the office where if you hurt someone’s feelings your sweet ass is in danger of getting 86ed.  What would be the PC term for those who are badly dressed anyway?  The attractively challenged?  Stylishly disadvantaged?  Ha ha ha… is there a Gothic sensitivity training camp I’ll be sent off to for Elitist Aversion Therapy?

They’d pry my eyes open so I’d be forced to look at club shots of kids in Tripp pants, ICP shirts, spiked collars, and Kool Aid dyed hair whilst listening to Covenant’s “Dead Stars”.  At the end I’d puke anytime the song would come on (and we all know that happens quite a bit) or I’d get the urge to point out someone’s fatal fashion flaws.  I’m sure some of you would love that.  ;)

This all goes back to that tired old eternally repetitive question of “What is Goth?”.  Some of us are drawn to the darker aesthetic because they feel that Goth as a whole is a subculture shunned by the mainstream and there is strength in numbers when being one of the so called misfits.  Many others are just attracted to the elegance of days past or the fantasy of the Hi Tech future that lies ahead.  The majesty and refined elegance of Victorian mourning garb.  Or the sleekness, symmetry, and cold android like grace of a well put together cybergoth get up.  Both styles project an air of elitism.  If you can pull it off you’re doomed to people deeming you unapproachable.  People will either hate you because they’re jealous or kiss your ass.  You can’t really avoid it and it comes with the territory.

Back when I was 18, my Gothness had no punk undertones.  It was not a political statement.  It wasn’t to show the world that I am open minded and that I reject the preps, cheerleaders, and thugs that populated my high school.  I didn’t cast aside the mainstream because I was tired of the mall worshipping consumer mentality of the American teenager and wore black outfits in protest.  Not even close.  I just thought that their attire and more importantly music sucked.  I wanted to cover myself in a wardrobe fit for a queen (I was all about the velvet and lace in high school) from head to toe. I liked my aural stimuli dark and romantic or angry and synthesized.  Revolting against anything never entered the equation. Thus calling out people on their latest Hot Topic travesties does NOT make me hypocrite. It just makes me GOTH.  Just makes me female.  We’re not at all different from our cheerleader friends.  Our outfits are just 10x cuter.

Perhaps the vertically challenged homely hobgoblin that deemed himself so morally superior to me and decided to lecture me on the folly and error of my gossiping ways would’ve been better off joining a hippie commune where everyone is special in their own way.  Acid and saggy boobed sky clad women dancing for everyone!

I mean if black lipstick really held the mystical powers of open mindness, erased all prejudicial thoughts, and gave everyone the urge to hold hands and sing kumbaya, wouldn’t Manic Panic become a government agency?  Wouldn’t all KKK members be captured and forced to wear Robert Smith’s tousled hair likeness on their chests and voila no more cross burnings.  Black Panthers would suddenly realize how pointless it is to hate whitey upon being given vampire capes.  The Taliban would no longer throw acid on Afghan schoolgirls for committing the crime of wanting to be a woman with an education after being mandatorily tattooed with the face of Peter Murphy on their right butt cheek.

I guess because some jocks make fun of you, you’re automatically supposed to be kind to others. Yeah right.  In reality most people can’t wait to take it out on someone else and make them pay their due.  A PVC dress does not change human nature.

If one is looking for a safe haven from the criticism and cruelty of the world, a scene where one faces the risk of social ridicule for being unable to properly recite Skinny Puppy’s complete discography in 30 seconds or less, the Goth/Industrial collective might not be the place for them.  The New Age movement might be more what you’re looking for.  They strongly embrace the self deluding “everyone is an unique snowflake” mentality.  The rest of us with self esteem strong enough to handle the occasional naysayer, just talk smack back about the offender to anyone and everyone within ear shot.  Then move on. If your ego is completely shattered by someone hating your new foam hair, then perhaps take the booze money you were spending at the bar and visit a therapist and nurse your wounded psyche back to health.

It’s just a club.  It’s just a bad outfit choice.  It’s just someone else’s opinion.  For goodness sake… it’s just GOTH.  ;)

<3
Vanity Kills

by Teresa
photographs Meagan Breen

I must preface this by saying that the term “Christmas” is a catch all for the time of year that begins the day after thanksgiving and extends through the first week of January.  It is just a generic term for a season, cultural and commercial.  Nothing more, nothing less.

Most people don’t think of Christmas as being “alternative”.  Alt or not, it’s still a festive time of year, with plenty of joy (not goth) and splendor (possibly goth).  One can argue how goth and religion have ties to each other throughout history, but I am here to discuss the most fun part of the holiday season, the decorating.  And when I decorate it’s darker, a more “gothic” approach.  I suppose all the lame positive feelings associated with Christmas can be considered conformist, but who doesn’t want to feel good (emos)?   Who wouldn’t want to be warm and cozy in your own home, decorated for the holidays, sipping on Irish cream, and gorging on cookies?  That sounds to me like the most wonderful time of the year.

I like themes.  I like to theme a room, particularly this season.  I love dark red velvets and golds together.  Recently, purple has made its way to the Christmas colors palette; paired with silver and/or black it’s dark and festive.  Decorating like this can be expensive, but I find that adding a few new things each year can make it not only more affordable, but keep it new and fresh.

I like to start with the bathroom. Bathrooms are small rooms (normally) so they are inexpensive to decorate and since we do spend quite a bit of time in our bathrooms it’s nice to change it up for the season.  Shower curtains are an easy way to start and they make a big difference as they take up so much vertical space (about 6×6).  Once you have your curtain picked out, a matching soap dispenser (refilled with seasonal scented soap), hand towel, and bath mat almost complete the room!  If you can’t find a curtain you like, get a 6×6 piece of fabric (hemmed) and a grommet punch, and you have yourself a one-of-a-kind shower curtain.  Right after Halloween is a good time to peruse the clearance rack at your local fabric store.  If you find something you like, it can be spruced up for the Christmas season with minimal effort, and for (as cheap as) one dollar a yard!  For example, a black vinyl piece of fabric can be altered with some garland or berries either sewn or glued onto the fabric randomly or at the sew-line (you may end up with sew-lines because most fabric doesn’t come in 6 foot sections).  You can pick a garland, berry, or what-have-you decoration to match that soap dispenser you liked so much!   Add an inexpensive plastic liner and you are all set!  Making your own shower curtain is especially recommended for anyone with tall ceilings.  The higher the print goes, the more dramatic the result. The best part is that you can take it down at the end of the season and reuse it next year.  After not seeing it for 11 months, it will seem new to you again too!

Many modern homes do not have formal dining rooms any more, but I live in an older home and have one.  I like to use the dining room for some of the less-than-functional decorations.  Things that if put in the kitchen would be in your way, because you need to be able to use that space.  The dining room is the perfect place for these items.  Large soldier nutcrackers, elaborate center pieces, tablecloths, candles, etc.  I also like to change out the curtains from the normal over-length formal drapery, to the red velvet ones for the season.  Ribbon is another favorite of mine.  Velvet ribbon around the chandelier makes it more festive and just gives the room a little change from the norm.  You can also use ribbon to tie back the curtains, or when in doubt, just tie bows on everything.  Wire ribbon is a good choice; it will keep the bows looking fresh all season long.  Keep the spools, just roll the ribbon up in January and put it away for next year.  Add a fancy tablecloth and a few chair covers, and your room is almost set.  I do recommend a darker tablecloth if you actually eat at your table. The light ones tend to stain, and there is no point in buying a nice tablecloth if gets stained and you can’t use it next year.

Kitchens, in my opinion, are by far the hardest rooms to decorate.  They need to be functional year ‘round, as the kitchen is in constant use.  Fabrics are out because of the hazard they’ll create when cooking, and they’ll get stinky and dirty anyways with all the baking.  But, as kitchens tend to be where most of one’s time in the home is spent, it is necessary to give it some decoration.  Bells on the cupboard doors, a seasonal spoon set on the stovetop, dish towels, and some sort of festive center piece should not be too invasive.  Candy is always welcome, and if you set all that left over Halloween candy in a seasonal bowl, you might just make it through to the New Year.  I like to put a festive area rug (with pad) at the sink or counter because I usually end up spending more than the normal amount of time standing there making goodies for the holidays.  It doesn’t just look nice, but my feet appreciate it too.

The living room is where my tree goes, and for the most part the tree IS the decoration for the room.  I like a burgundy and silver color theme for the tree.  Much velvet is used; it’s dark and beautiful.  I use a plethora of bows on the tree mixed with the two different colored ball ornaments (silver ones will reflect light) and lights.  The stocking holders are silver and as much as I like everything to match there is some nostalgia about hanging up my childhood stocking every year.  Candles and fragrance and string lights are a huge part of my decorating too.  LED lights cost next to nothing to leave on constantly, but I still use a timer on all string lights.  There is a nice ambiance, with the lights on the tree paired with candles, since the sun goes down at 5:30.  Tuck your lights and ribbon deep inside the tree for interest and depth.  Never forget the mistletoe, it’s festive and interactive.  It’s always nice to come home to a kiss, even if that kiss is from your pet rat.

In addition, I have a “center piece” in every room.  In the dining room it is on the table, in the living room it is on the coffee table, in the kitchen it is on the island, and in the bathroom it is on the cabinet or back of the toilet.  For the “center piece” in the bathroom I like candles, they are warm and fragrant.  Usually in the kitchen it is a large bowl or plate of candy/treats.  For the living room, I fill up a glass pot or bowl with old tree ornaments that are not used on the tree anymore, and place a candle on top.  In the dining room, I often use flowers mixed with a pillar, round candles, and whatever else didn’t seem to find a home as the decorations were going out.  Yes, I like the candles.  The different heights and shapes of the candles mixed with other items adds interest to an arrangement.
Lastly, gifts wrapped early and placed under the tree are the perfect finish to the holiday decorating.  Again, with the dark ribbons and matching paper; a well-wrapped present is the perfect finishing touch to any holiday tree!  Done right, and the receiver will not want to open it!

It may not be what Halloween is to the average goth, but Christmas gives us plenty of opportunity to express ourselves through decoration, and it doesn’t have to all be Santas and candy canes.  Do what you like, and you may be surprised at how it can all come together.

Hello everyone!

I’m sure you are all familiar with the “Dear Abby” column.  Well this is “Dear Chrissie”, a similar column for those of you with questions about like and love, relationship beginnings and endings; all those things that occupy so much of our lives and thoughts.  I know I’ve had my share of all that I just mentioned, some fortunately or unfortunately more than others, and I hope to share my wisdom, or at least experience, with all of you.

So please write me with your questions regarding relationships and the like.  Send me your lovelorn letters or just your simple ponderings.  Don’t be too embarrassed to write about anything you’d like, I’ll keep everything confidential and change the names.

I look forward to hearing from you and helping you out with your questions!  Until then, this is Dear Chrissie =)

email : dearchrissie@auxiliarymagazine.com

illustration James S. Cole www.angels2zombies.com

Auxiliary’s playful take on the sexy centerfold pin up.  This month we bring you the lovely Dessa Fell in Ego Assassin Latex!   So flip the page, cut out, and tac on your wall!

Photographer : Jennifer Link
Makeup Artist : Rachel Mazurek
Hair Stylist : Erin Moser
Model : Dessa Fell

outfit by Ego Assassin : latex seasonal Microplunge top in snowflakes print, latex Silhouette underbust corset, and latex seasonal Pencil skirt in snowflakes print

birthday : Halloween, 1984

birthplace : Buffalo, NY

eye color : dark hazel

hair color : a boring brown that I dye black

turn-ons : intelligence, humility, good style, and well-done tattoos

turn-offs : ego, pretentiousness, and lying

favorite color : black

favorite food : Gaeng Dang (thai red curry and coconut milk soup with rice and veggies, mmm…)

favorite cocktail : gin and tonic

favorite club/place-to-go-out : Caaba, a thai restaurant in philly (I’m not a big club-goer)

favorite musical artist : It can vary anywhere from Fiona Apple to Eminem, Say Anything to Gogol Bordello, Manson to Britney Spears, I’m not kidding I listen to everything!

favorite movie : Closer

favorite tv show : There are three and only three, Law and Order: SVU, Sex and the City, and The West Wing.

favorite book : She’s Come Undone, by Wally Lamb (I’ve read it over 45 times)

why you model : It’s challenging, trying to be inventive with poses, expressions, and concepts, and always trying to improve what I do.  And I get to dress up in amazing wardrobe, outstanding shoes, and get my hair and makeup professionally done on a pretty regular basis, and there’s nothing I don’t like about that!

how you got into modeling : I actually wanted to be a Suicide Girl, but that desire quickly faded

one thing about yourself that is odd : I eat almost everything with chopsticks

what you’d like to say to our readers : A few things everyone should do in life, one learn the meanings to words you don’t know, two do something you think you shouldn’t, three fix something you know you did wrong, and four get enough sleep.